Stupidity rampant

Most people who read and hear about Rep. Weiner immediately ask, "How could he do something SO STUPID like that?" I've asked myself that question a million times about my torturers and trial riggers. How could anyone be SO STUPID as to concoct a plan to rig a federal trial the way my captors did? In Rep. Weiner's case the victim of his stupidity is himself and he doesn't have enough power to hide it from the public. In my case, the victim is an innocent nobody and the perpetrators have the power to keep their stupidity hidden from the public. And to this day I cannot comprehend anyone being that insane. Which by the way was their plan for their "defense". No one would believe the victim - no one could be that insane.

It is like a drunk driver running a red light. If he slams into another car, innocent victims pay the price for the drunk drivers stupidity and usually for some reason the drunk driver always seems to walk away from the accident with no injury. Occasionally, the drunk driver runs off the road, hits a tree and injures him or herself. This latter scenario is the analogy to the Weiner case; the former scenario is my case.

Back to my story: For about a month I did little but sleep and take walks. I seemed to be getting better, but I really had no way to tell for sure. My parents talked very little to me and I would generally respond to any suggestions they made with anger. Deep down I was very angery at my parents for not helping before I had gotten to such a pathetic state and I truly resented what I considered their token help now. And it seemed that as I slowly regained my faculties, my anger increased.

Finally, in early March, I took the offensive again. I typed a form letter which briefly described my ordeal and sent it to almost all of the u. s. senators and approximately fifty representatives. I also began corresponding with so called radical political groups such as the Posse Commitatus. This was the beginning of what I consider my political education and my total alienation from the amerikan political/economic system. I also began writing my account of events which had transpired so there would be some written record of how badly I had been tortured under the guise of "mental illness". And I still had the hope of exposing the sadistic crimes of the capitalist system and the amerikan government.

More about which to get depressed.

Ostracize the victim.
The next week I met with Ed and we talked for over an hour about his philosophy on management and the direction he thought his new research area should take. After he was finished I started to leave his office and was just about out the door when Ed stopped me.

"Russ, I'll be back in touch with you," and he winked. "You know we do have a management position open."

I left feeling his parting comment was meant to raise my hopes about the management position. About a week went by and I did not see or hear from Ed. Then one day as I went to check my mail, I ran into Ed. As we entered the secretarial room I said "Hi Ed." Ed said nothing and ignored me and refused to acknowledge my presence. As we went to the mail boxes, I repeated my greeting. Again he ignored me and refused to acknowledge my presence. As he started to leave his office, I stepped into his path, forcing him to stop. "Hi Ed!" I said challengingly. He refused to even look up at me. He stepped sideways and walked out of the office. I was furious. I remembered how upset Osama had gotten when I only had given a faint acknowledgement of his presence. Now Ed's actions were outrageous and I was mad.

Ed's failure to acknowledge me somehow made me aware of the fact that none of the secretaries acknowledged me either. I noticed when other people walked into the secretarial pool office, the secretaries would exchange pleasantries and strike up conversations. However, when I walded in, they avoided me. I thought about it for a moment and then dismissed it as a result of my being too suspicious.

I probably would have forgotten all about it except a couple of days later I was walking down the hallway when I passed on of the secretaries. She gave me a big smile and said "hi". I couldn't help but notice the difference in her behavior. That day when I walked in the secretarial pool, all the sectretaries said hello and were friendly. It was if their change in behavior had been done on cue, and it emphasized how much I had been avoided the previous couple of weeks. Over a period of time the secretaries had slowly avoided me and I was hardly aware of the change, but the sudden sharp reversal in behavior made the difference very noticeable. It seemed unbelievable that "they" would orchestrate such actions, but the changes in behavior were too deliberate and abrupt to be normal. It was a repeat scenarios of the behavior changes that had been orchestrated at Gamma Supplies and it was all designed to create confusion in my mind and to make me sound crazy if I told someone what was being done.

Later on in these posts, I will relate repeated incidences of theft that on the surface would sound like the rantings of a crazy person unless you know the powerful psychological effects behind the sick actions. The above actions by the people around me also were designed to create powerful psychological reactions. The really sick thing about my tormenters is that they believe because they had a "reason" and "purpose" for what they were doing that it made them "sane". In fact, psychopaths and sociopaths always believe that what they do is rational and for a good purpose. They never consider their actions or themselves to be demented.

Mind contol through suggestion.(Mental torture)
The suggestions that I would become a manager were becoming more and more bazzar. My mail almost daily contained something dealing with executive items such as notepads, record books or briefcases. The sudden influx of such junk mail at the time when there was a management opening seemed too coincidental, but I couldn't accept the fact that someone would make such an effort to drive me crazy. The sudden influx of executive materials was similar to when I was appointed Assistant Professor at the U. of Florida. At that time I became inundated with free books and all sorts of instructor teaching aids. The difference was that the teaching aids and book offers corresponded to my actually being appointed Assistant Professor.

However absurd, the suggestions kept on coming that I was going to be a manager. One morning I came into my office and found a security violation notice on a a file cabinet. Security personnel would routinely check offices at night to make sure everything was locked. If a violation was found, they left you a notice of the security violation and then they would send a copy to your manager. In this instance, both the employees copy and the manager's copy were left on the cabinet. My first thought was that it was another subtle suggestion about the management job, but then the more I thought about it the more I rationalized that the security guard probably inadvertently left me the manager's copy.

Three days later I walked into my office and found my new office partner loudly complaining about a security violation he had just received. The violation notice had been marked "desk open", but the actual violation had been my file cabinet which had been unlocked again.

"Did they leave you the manager's copy?" I asked.

"No, but I'm going to try to get this changed because it is your violation", my office partner replied.

"Oh, if you do that, that will be the second security violation for me this week. I don't understand it. I could have sworn I locked that file cabinet last night." I said in a pleading voice.

In my confused state I really wasn't that positive, but the two violations in three days seemed strange. I sat down at my desk, unlocked it, and opened the top right drawer to get some papers on which to work. There, laying on the top of everything was the MANAGER'S COPY of my office partner's security violation! I started to cry. I couldn't even begin to figure how "they" had coordinated everything, but my receiving the manager's copy was no accident. The effect on me was devastating.

NOTE: Most amerikans have no idea how mind control works, but an essential element is that the victims continually hear the same message over and over again in different forms. The mantra is repeated incessantly until the victims believe what they are being told and accept it as "truth". One of those mantras heard by the general public is that "reducing taxes", especially on the wealthy, is a cure for all sorts of economic and political problems. That is all the public ever hears and many people automatically just accept it as a "truth". There is no thought involved.
In my case, I was continually being told I was going to be made a manager by suggestion(another key element of mind control)in an effort to get me to believe it. Then when I wasn't made manager, I could be told I was crazy for thinking I was going to be made a manager. It was a constant mind game to drive me permanently insane.

Depression follows constant harassment.
One of the things that always bothered me about my captors and tormentors is that like Darth Korey, these people really believed that they were geniuses, and superior people to the common workers like me. In reality, what they were doing to me with their mind games in their effort to make me crazy was really no different than what you might see in some B movie where the relatives of a rich aunt try to drive her crazy by arrangeing events in her life. You know, the scene where the aunt walks in a room and sees a body hanging from the chandilier. She then runs screaming from the room to get help and when she returns with witnesses, the body is gone! Then the people around her tell how sick she is and that she needs help and should be confined to a hospitial. Eventually, the rich aunt starts to believe that there is something wrong with her and that she needs help. The whole idea of driving me crazy was not very original and only required my inprisonment to carry out the scheme.

Back to my story:

I continued to get more and more depressed and I felt less and less anxious about events. I felt I had been terrorized so much that my body no longer reacted to the external stimulus and threats in a defensive manner, but rather everything just caused me to become more depressed. As an example, one evening I was running around our housing development for exercise when a large black dog came out of nowhere and ran straight at me with its teeth showing and barking loudly. I came to a slow stop and stared at the dog who quickly retreated and then I continued on my way. As I continued on my way, I realized that the dog attack had not caused any reaction in me. I had felt no fear, no adrenalin rush and no I had no made any attempt to protect myself. I was just dead inside! Maybe my total lack of fear is why the dog cut off its attack so quickly.

In late October Dr. Iron finally prescribed an antidepressant. When he gave me the prescription, I remarked that he had waited so long that I was so depressed I didn't think the pills would do any good. He gave me some lame excuse for not giving the pills earlier, but in reality he had no good reason for waiting so long. My unhappiness over the inability to get proper treatment was slowly turning into hostility and I was beginning to express my anger toward Dr. Iron. I would have readily found a new doctor if I thought it would have done any good, but I knew the Nazi government controlled everything and the results would be the same regardless of who the doctor was. (I will relate later an incident which clearly demonstrates the extent to which the Nazi goverment monitored and controlled everything in my life).

As soon as I went on the antidepressants, the level of harassment went down at work, and natually my spirits picked up a little. Dr. Iron used my slight improvement as proof that the medication was helping treat my "illness". I was convinced that I was merely reponding to my environment, and that if the level of harassment increased again, my condition would deteriorate again. (Being a scientist, I later devised an experiment that demonstrated that my version of events was correct.) About two weeks later the level of harassment at work did pick up, and I became deeply depressed. Dr. Iron in response to my increasedf depression concluded he had used the wrong antidepressant.

A trip to a gestap agency - The FBI
In early November I came to the conclusion that "they" were never going to stop terrorizing me, and I had to do something or I was going to die. I decided to go to the FBI(a gestapo agency)despite previous threats that had been made to me at RAM about going to the FBI. The next day after Anita had left for school, I called into work and said I was sick. Then I drove across the river to Oldburg, NJ where the local FBI office was located. I called the FBI from a pay phone to get its exact location and headed directly for the office to see an agent.

I was greeted at the door by agent Bill Blue who then escorted me into his office. We chatted briefly and I found out that agent Blue had a son who worked for RAM. He also informed me that he himself was due to retire from the agency in about a year. I could not see a man in his position being very enthusiastic about what I was going to tell him. I briefly decribed my situation to him while he took notes. He asked me some leading questions that indicated either he had heard the story many times before, or that he knew what I was going to say. Whatever the reason behind agent Blue's questions, they made me feel uncomfortable.

Years later I found out that what was being done to me is not uncommon in Nazi amerika, but that of course, the government keeps it hidden from the people by getting rid of the witnesses. There are a few exceptions like the Karen Silkwood case, but most of us political prisoners just disappear.

On a couple of occasions Agent Blue did say, "Yes, that is definitely illegal, but can you prove it." I told him I had very little written evidence, but that I did have some. When he asked me for a specific example of how I was being harassed, I quickly pointed out the most visible example - the annoying incessant phone calls. He surprised me by saying there was nothing illegal about that! I learned from the phone company that such calls are definitely a violation of FEDERAL Law. Agent Blue's ignorance on that subject was at best suspicious. After about 2 hours of talking with Agent Blue, the discussion concluded with the old "don't call us; we'll call you." I left not felling very encouraged.

How all psychiatrists should be dealt with.
That evening I attended my biweekly session with Dr. Iron. Anita decided to go along because she was beginning to get concerned about his "treatment" of me.

Dr. Iron started immediately. "What did you do today?"

"Oh nothing much," I said. "I cleaned out the garage."

"Is that all?" He asked.

"Yes, that's about all I did today."

His insistence told me he knew I had been to the FBI, but I didn't know how he knew.

"I got a call from agent Blue of the FBI today. Do you know him? Dr. Iron inquired.

"Yes, I went to see him today!"

Anita just about fell off the couch at the revelation, and Dr. Iron noticed her shocked reaction.

"Didn't he tell you he was going to the FBI?" Dr. Iron queried.

"No." Anita answered nervously.

Dr. Iron sat back and continued. "Don't worry. I took care of that. Agent Blue and I had a nice long talk, and I explained to him that Russell has a problem." Then he turned to me and said, "Do you know he has a son who works for RAM?"

"Yes, I know," I said discouragingly.

"Now that we don't have to worry about that anymore, let's go on to something else." He concluded.
It is funny what being tortured does to you. I should have killed the bastard on the spot. Not only was he helping the Nazis murder me, but he was threatening my wife. This is why I truly believe all psychiatrists should be rounded up, taken to the town square and executed. It is so convenient and easy for the Nazi state to label anyone speaking the truth about this Nazi state to be labelled "crazy" by these willing pawns of the tyrants. And, they carry out barbaric and antihuman experiments on people, like Dr. Cameron did for the CIA. Pyschiatrists are truly a sick group!!!!!

In defense of the few decent, ethical psychiatrists, later in my life I did talk to one who was trying to expose the Nazi governments use of the label "mentally ill" to
cover up the amerikan governments crimes against humanity.

And if you ever saw the movie "The Insider" you will learn how the FBI tried to make Jeffery Weingart the villian when he went to the FBI for help with a problem similar to mine. As most poor people already know, gestapo agencies like the FBI, CIA and NSA are just there to protect the interests of the elite, wealthy ruling class. They are not there to solve crimes and bring criminals to justice.

The Nazis now had their perfect cover.
I found this interesting article about a man who claims the Nazis controlled everything in his life while in the US. He also claimed to have been mentally tortured. REALLY. The US Nazi government would do that?
"Iranian scientist Shahram Amiri, who disappeared last year and resurfaced last week in the Pakistani embassy, claims the CIA kidnapped and tortured him mentally and physically.

He recently flew back to Tehran and told reporters, "The Americans wanted me to say that I defected to America of my own will to use me for revealing some false information about Iran's nuclear work. But with God's will, I resisted." He denies being involved in Iran's nuclear program and contends he was working as a researcher at a university.

He also claims, "I have some documents proving that I've not been free in the United States and have always been under the control of armed agents of US intelligence services."

Back to my story:

I left Dr. Iron's home feeling crushed again. I knew that it was unlikely the FBI would take any action against RAM, but the ease with which my complaint was dismissed was depressing and for the first time I began to seriously consider the government as the real source of my problems. I had often suspected that, but now I was certain. Agent Blue seemed like he had been briefed prior to my arrival at his office, and his apparent acceptance of my "mental illness problems" seemed to pat.

My "mental illness" had been so well documented and supported over such a long period of time that it could now be used as an excuse for anything. My mental illness had been made real through official documentation. Of course, that was the original plan that I agreed to in order to keep my career, but as usual, as soon as the subhuman scum Nazis got what they wanted, they went on with their agenda to totally eliminate me. The "mental illness" scenario could be used as an excuse for anything such as my loss of job, divorce and/or my death. The amerikan Nazis government was now in position to finish me off and wipe their bloody hands clean of trial rigging, torture and murder. But because the Nazis are servants of evil there was one thing that they did not count on.

The Rage Grows
My depression continued to grow despite the antidepressant pills. I was becoming more angry and violent prone each day because of my inability to stop my tormentors. Finally one night as I was getting ready for bed I exploded and started yelling at Anita.

"Damn them! They'll never stop torturing me! They will just keep it up until they kill me. Who the hell is behind it?! Who has that much power and is so sick that they would torture someone for over four years?"

Anita was frightened by my rage and she said nothing. Then I turned to her. "You know who is responsible for this. Tell me who it is. I'll kill the son-of-a bitches."

"I don't know what you are talking about," Anita replied timidly.

I became furious and pushed her onto the bed. I was standing over her and yelling, "tell me who it is. You know because you've been helping them. You have to talk to someone," I screamed.

Anita started pleading with me. "I don't know who "they" are. I really don't. Please let me up. I'm scared."

I calmed down long enough to let her up. Then the realization of how violent I was becoming became evident to me and I became concerned for Anita's safety. I calmed down long enough to let he up.

"Maybe I should get a place to stay for awhile so I'm alone and won't hurt anyone." I said in a calm voice.

"Where would you go?" Anita asked.

"I don't know. I can find a room or something until the holidays are over. You know how they like to terrorize me around Christmas. That's part of the scenario they use. If "they" hold true to form, things will improve in January. I can find a place until then."

"Why don't you go to the hospital?" Anita suggested. That comment made me angry again.

"Is that what the high level of harassment is for this time? To get me back in the hospital around the holidays so they can document my illness more and tell me how sick I am?"

NOTE: As I pointed out in previous posts, terrorism is most effective when the source of the terrorism is unknown to the victim. When the terrorists are unidentified, the victim can't stike back directly at the terrorists nor can the victim take actions to defend themselves. In my case, if I had known early on that the amerikan Nazi government was involved, I might have considered moving out of the country as one of the best and first solutions. It was my indoctrinated belief in the lies about the americkan system that kept me here senselessly trying to defuse the situation.

In my previous blog I noted the story about the Iranian scientist who had been kidnapped or lured to the US and then mentally tortured to get him to publically state what the Nazis wanted him to say about the Iranian nuclear program. And all the while he was here, everything was controlled by his captors.

Compare this to what was done to me. I was lured to a position and promised many things initally to keep me there, I was brutally mentally torture so my captors could program my testimony for a Federal trial. And to this day, my captors totally control my environment.

What is most interesting about this is that the Iranian scientist was to be used to do damage to a country identified as an enemy state. I was an amerikan scientist was to be used by the ruling fascists for the ruling elite against the interests of the working class - this is commonly referred to class warfare.

In other words torture is just another useful tool to be used by the Nazi state against anyone for any reason!

Isolated again We continued to discuss the best solution for the immediate problem and finally we decided Anita would move out and would go live with a friend from school until the crisis was over. That would insure her safety and cause the least problems for both of us. The next day Anita packed her books and clothes and left. She left me a phone number where I could reach her, but I did not know where she was going.

That weekend I took our dog to my parents place and left her there. I so afraid that because of the Nazi torture at the holidays that I might go into a fit of rage, kick her and hurt her. I wanted Nuisance, my dog to be safe. I barely talked to my parents because I didn't know what to say. I was being tortured and there was nothingh my parents could do about it.

I left on Sunday evening and headed back home. That evening I got several harassing phone calls where the party on the other end hung up when I answered the phone. In anger I jerked the phone jack out of the wall to stop the calls. I was totally isolated from the outside world. I concluded from the calls they wouldn't stop harassing and terrorizing me until "they" had killed me.

The strange thing about all of this is that the Nazis had all that they needed. They had my signed deposition which could be(and eventually would be) used in their patent infringement lawsuit, and they had a documented history of mental illness to negate anything I might say. But the amerikan Nazis were(and always will be) driven by an insane, obsessive hatred and nothing would extinguish that hatred. I believe that even my death would not have satisfied them. Their obsessive hatred towards me was like that of Hitler's toward the Jews. I was to blame for all of the Nazis problems just like the Jews were to blame for Germany's and his problems. Isn't that always the case for irresponsible people - it's someone elses fault. "The fault is not in the heavens and stars......."

Every day was living hell, and the next week I struggled through each day. I was so depressed I did nothing except eat and sleep. My behavior behavior was becoming more irrational. One evening I went out to a local lounge and went dancing. First, when I was dancing with other women, I got a sense of getting even with Anita for the hell she had helped make out of my life. Second, doing something random like going out danceing, I felt free and non-threatened. On Saturday I took two hundred dollars and went to the race track and lost it all. I had never lost more than about twenty dollars at the track, but the large monetary loss had no meaning to me if I was a dead man anyway. On Sunday I drove up to my parents house to get Nuisance. I missed having her around the house and I wanted her back. However, my parents argued against the idea and I returned home alone. When I got home, I called Anita on the repaired phone and started crying.

Still some want the world to bow to them!
"For what is a man profited if he shall gain the whole world and lose his own soul?"
Matthew 16:25-26.The ruling Nazis may go to church and align themselves with Christianity, but there is no way these people are true Christians.

On January 5, 1981 I returned to work. The RAM medical department approved the plan Dr. Padua submitted which called for my working four hours a day for one week followed by a week at six hours a day before I returned to a normal work day. It really didn't matter. After 5 years of brutal mental torture, I would have needed a year of rest to regain my mental and physical health. I was mentally in very bad shape and my only concern on returning to work was that there would be no more harassment. My mental state was very so delicate that I felt any more torture would cause a complete collapse, breakdown or suicide. I came into work and hung my coat and hat on the wall hanger and then went into the laboratory to check the condition of my lab equipment. About an hour later I returned to my office to find my coat on the floor. My hat was still on the wall hook and since the hanger was a single hook, it was impossible for the coat to fall off the hook with the hat hanging over it. I started to tremble and cry. I put on my coat and hat and rushed out of the building to my car and drove home. When I got home, Anita was there and I tried to tell her what had happened, but I was so upset that I wasn't very coherent. Finally, when I was able to get my composure, I told her what had happened. At first she tried to rationalize the incident as an accident, but she quickly realized how absurd her arguments were and then she tried to comfort me. I remained home the rest of the day.

The next day I went into work with greater apprehension. As I walked into the office, there standing in the middle of the room blocking everything was a free-standing coat rack. I quickly took the coat rack and carried it to an adjacent office where I deposited it. I then went back to my desk to try to do some work, but that one incident had ruined my day.

For the next couple of months I remained very depressed and did very little work. The side effects of the medication I was taking were becoming intolerable. One day at work I experienced a minor convulsion similar to the one I had experienced in the hospital. At that point I decided to stop taking the Stelazine medication. The fact that I was on Stelazine the first time when I was terrorized into attempting suicide told me that the medication was useless as long as the external stimuli was there.

The antidepressant I was taking was causing blurry vision and severe constipation. Thus I also quit taking that medication. I believed if the terrorism/mental torture ever stopped and I could find a doctor who really wanted to help me, I would take the appropriate medication.

A natural loss in my life vs a Nazi government created loss.
With everything going so badly, it only seemed appropriate that Nuisance became very sick. Whenever I would get down or needed some solitude, I would take Nuisance for a walk. It always had a soothing effect on me, but in March, 1981 she became sick from what the vetrinarian diagnosed as cancer of the liver. Her health deteriorated rapidly and on April 8 she had to be destroyed. We had owned Nuisance for fourteen years and her death was a great loss. In a normal situation I would have been sad, but my built up anger made it impossible for me to grieve the loss of our pet. What made me even more angry was that I was being tortured so much that I couldn't really feel the loss of something that meant so much to me. In effect, I had become a bit like my torturers in that I couldn't feel things. As I will show later on, my tormentors tried to get me to do despicable acts(sometimes with success), just to convince themselves that all humans are subhuman scum like they are. I think it made them feel good to make their victims act in a base manner like them.
Of course, no one was brutally torturing them; a point that I'm sure escaped them.

The constant harassment and torture had so dominated my life that nothing else seemed important. But with the loss of Nuisance I lost one of the few comforting things in my life that I was still able to enjoy.

I continued to see Dr. Padua, but I was becoming more and more disenchanted with her. Like her predecessors she talked in generalities and whenever I tried to address a specific incident or issue she would sidmiss it as if the topic were trivial. We frequently discussed my wife and Dr. Padua would quickly point out that I should be happy because Anita would soon be going back to work at a higher salary.

"They will never allow me to share in her income. I can't look forward to that," I explained. I don't even know if I'll have a marriage six months from now."

"Why you have lots to look forward to," was her reply.

I knew "they" would not allow me the luxury of having economic relief in the form of two good incomes, and I assumed their solution would be to destroy the marriage to keep me from having the security of my wife's income. But any attempt to carry our a discussion like that would have brought an immediate, "There is no one trying to destroy you."

I just heard on TV tonight that China has a new weapon that can wipe out an amerikan aircraft carrier from long range. I guess there is "good news" if you look for it. Such a weapon if it exists would cancel amerika's domination and terror on the high seas. However, this was on FOX news so it may just be Nazi propaganda designed to keep amerikans in a state of fear and war mongering.

Most amerikans don't realize that the Nazi state uses the media for what they call "misinformation campaigns". That term is a euphemism for PROPAGANDA. In rare cases, the President(RR for one) has had to admit that threats by foreign entities that were propagaded by the media were nothing more than misinformation campaigns.

As my marriage drifts to a close.
By June 1981, I had already sensed another increase in incidences in involving my wife and actions seemed to be directed towards creating animosity between us. I felt there were times when Ursula would start fights or do something just to irritate me and get my emotions flowing. I decided to take Anita with me to the next doctors appointment and address the problem with Dr. Padua. I stated my case and then discussed the issues with Anita. Anita agreed to try not to irritate me so often. I sat there almost laughing at the whole procedure. I believed Anita's actions were deliberate and that she would do whatever "they" told her to do, but to make any suggestion like that would only provide a platform for the doctor to tell how paranoid I was. The following week Anita seemed to do more irritating things than usual as if to flaunt the whole uselessness of going to the psychiatrist to solve my problems. The dissolution of our marriage seemed inevitable.

I lived in a constant state of depression. I was unable to work and I could have been fired for poor job performance at any time. What I didn't realize was that the Nazis wanted me to resign like I did at Gamma Supplies. That would make it clean and simple; it would be my fault. It also appeared that another reason not to fire me was that the Nazis would lose total control of my environment. I was really nothing more that a paid prisoner. And every time I began to pull myself out of the deep depression, some action would be taken that had a crushing effect on me.

Finally, in late June 19881 I decided to strike back again. This time I wanted to do something that would effect other people. I drafted a short letter describing my ordeal since my departure from Gamma Supplies. I then stated that I had no future and would probably be dead in the near future. I then thanked the addressee for his or her participation in the destruction of my life. I found an old mailing list of Gamma Supplies' employees and sent a copy of the letter to everyone on the list. Since the Gamma Supplies' employees had started the destruction of my life for their benefit, I wanted to make sure they knew the final results. But the real motivation came in knowing that "they" didn't want anyone to know anymore about their nefarious, sick deeds than was necessary and updating the Gamma Supplies' employees on my status was sure to irritate them.
I mailed the letters immediately to prevent Anita from finding out about them.

I mean let's face it; if you were as sick and twisted as "they" are, would you want other people to know it? I mean a serial killer doesn't go around broadcasting that he is a serial killer. And as I will demonstrate in a later post, my torturers have the same mentality as serial killers.

Several days later I was in the laboratory when Laura Bushell my new second level manager, Tim Kristofferson walked in.

"We have an emergency in the medical department and we have to go over there right away." Time said.

Note: If you read and learn about mental torture and terrorism, you will learn that the evil doers always try to separate the victim from the torturers as quickly as possible. It is an "out of sight, out of mind" practice. In this case the terrorists at Gamma Supplies could enjoy the fruits of their demented acts without actually seeing what had happened to the victims. It the same idea as pilots and bombers who bomb hospitals and villages with children. They don't see the victims and therefore their is no remorse or internal moral conflict. That is why the psychotic Nazi torturers always moved me about and removed me from areas where the acts had been committed. Sane people would wonder why a human mind would think that way and act that way against innocent, defenseless victims. But in their psychopathic minds, "they" always have a good reason for their actions.

Another Day, Another Crisis
"What's going on?" I asked.

"Never mind. Just stop whatever you're doing and come with us."

I followed them to the medical department. After a short wait, I saw the company doctor.

"We got a call from a Gamma Supplies employee. Apparently you sent him some sort of note, and he thought you were suicidal so he called us." He explained.

"So that is what this is all about," I said somewhat relieved.

The doctor continued. "We called your wife(always beneficial to involve the wife) and she made an appointment to see Dr. Padua immediately. You are to go to the St. Frances Hospital and see Dr. Padua right away."

With that brief explanation, I was escorted to the door. As I drove to St. Francis, I kept thinking about how I was going to be confined to the hospital again. Suicidal tendencies is grounds for involuntary confinement. My fears were not realized, but Dr. Padua argued strongly for voluntary confinement so she could "treat" me. I refused to go in voluntarily and she finally relented. As I was leaving her office she asked, "Why did you send the letter?"

"Maybe I was trying to raise the level of some people's conscience. Not everyone is a psychopath, you know."

Dr. Padua just gave me a dirty look. I had survived another crisis.

NOTE: One of the common questions asked me is why would ordinary people do these things to you? My wife is a good example of, "why would she do it?" The answer can be found in the famous studies of Dr. Stanley Millgram titled "Obedience to Authority." Dr. Millgram and others showed that people will do whatever they are told to do as long as someone who is recognized as an authority figure gives the command. The common reaction to that statement is "I wouldn't do that." But the truth is you would, especially if your family, kids, career and other things you value can be destroyed by the authority figure. For real life examples of this you can read about the previous Nazi empire in "Hitler's Willing Executioners: Ordinary Germans and the Holocaust" - by Daniel Jonah Goldhagen. This shows the evil that lurks in all of us and it demonstrates how political movements and agendas, such as the current right-wing nationalistic movement in the U.S. can bring the evil to the surface. I just read today where some church wants to hold a book burning event and burn the Koran(Quran). While these people may be a minority, they still are potentially Hilter's willing executioners

More Nazi Terrorism.
There were more department changes at work, and Jim Connors was officially announced as a second level manager. At the same time, Jim was also made the acting first level manager of a newly created department. Since Jim was serving as both first and second level manager, it meant that he would be seeking a new manager to take over his first level duties. Just the thought of a management opening caused me to become depressed because I knew their would be more suggestions and implied promises that would be made to me about the new manager of the department. I knew I couldn't go through that scenario again. The only thing that kept me going was the hope that "they", the sick bastards that they are, would get tired of mentally torturing me and my life would return to a normal state.

I was extremely depressed and becoming suicidal again. The harassment was daily and there was at least one episode per day. I had no social life and no contact with anyone outside of work other than Anita. In fact, I was totally surprised one day when one of my co-workers, John came into my office and hand delivered a notice for a professional meeting to be held the following week.

"I haven't been getting these notices lately," I commented.

"Well, this should be a pretty good meeting. The speaker is excellent." John replied.

"I thought you usually mailed these notices. What happened? Did you run out of stamps?"

"No, we just got the notice printed too late to mail them so I'm hand deliverying them," John answered.

I didn't think much more about it and went back to work. Later that day before I left the office, I went to check my mail. There in my mailbox was the same meeting notice with a cancelled stamp. The notices had been mailed as usual. I was just another one of those inconsistncies that were common in my life. Such incidences created further depression and made it impossible for me to believe even the most trivial things people said to me. And of course, relating such an event would make me look paranoid.

I had been harassed so long by annoying phone calls that I was now afraid to answer the phone. Most of the time I would just let the phone ring. But now I noticed a new phenomenon. Whenever I picked up the phone to make a call, the dial tone caused me to have a severe reaction. The buzzing sound caused me to become fearful and my adrenalin would begin to flow. After years of answering the phone and only hearing a dial tone, I was conditioned and sensitized to the point that the mere sound of the dial tone caused a reaction.

That evening, I conveyed my new awarness of my reaction to the dial tone to my wife. As usual, she said nothing. However, the next day at work the phone rang and I decided to answer it. This time there was no one on the other end of the line, but instead of the usual dial tone, there was complete silence. From then on, whenever I did answer the phone and the party hung up, instead of a dial tone, there was silence. Again there was the implied participation of my wife, but there was nothing that I could prove. In addition, in my highly confused state, I tried to think of some reason for the change. I was too mentally screwed up to just accept it as continued harassment and terrorism.

More about which to get depressed.
I began to notice that everyone around me seemed to be getting smarter! This was most noticeable when I talked with Pat Clover, my former manager. I had always considered Pat to be rather slow and he did not have great verbal fluency. However, now when I talked with Pat, I was amazed at how alert and mentally sharp he seemed. It was like he was a new person. I found this true of other people too. What I didn't realize was that my own mental capacity was greatly diminished from all of the psychological and mental torture to which I had been subjected for so many years. This decrease in mental capability is common in cases of menticide(mental torture). At the time however, I interpretted this decrease in my own mental capacity as an increase in the mental capacity of the people around me. I found it depressing that I was intellectually inferior.

As I stated, loss of intellectual functioning is quit common in cases of mental torture and some studies have reported around a 50% decrease in other victims. In my case, the extreme loss of mental capacity was documented by my therapists. In February 1983, after I had left the RAM environment, I was given a simple psychiatric evaluation. During that particular evaluation, I could not repeat in sequence 5 single digits that had been read to me. I had been give the same test in the fall of 1978, shortly after joining RAM. At that time I was able to repeat 11 digits FORWARD AND BACKWARDS after the digits had been read to me. I may have been able to do more, but the tester stoppedf at 11 digits when he decided there was nothing wrong with my intellect. The average person can repeat 7 digits FORWARD (a telephone number) and 5 digits backwards. The test results of going from 11 digits backwards to not being able to do 5 digits forward clearly demonstrate how brutally I had been tortured. That is why I say "God damn amerika". Fortunately, one's mental capacity slowly returns at least to some degree when the victims is free from constant brutal torture.

Just when things seemed their worst, improvements in my environment occurred. First I was given a performance appraisal. I went into the meeting with great apprehension because I knew I had not done any significant work in the past six months. Whatever performance rating I received, I knew it would be what "they" wanted it to be. Laurie Bushell, one of my many former managers, gave me the performance review and to my surprise, she gave me a rating which stated I "consistenly exceeded the requirements of the job in all key areas." Even though the rating was phoney, I was thrilled. Not only did the rating mean I would not be fired, but the rating also had to be approved by my current manager Jim Connors, since he was Laurie's second level manager too. Thus according to the rules at RAM, I was safe for another year. Although I knew I was never truly safe, it meant that "they" were not ready to get rid of me yet.

What makes people have insatiable hatred? Are they insecure? Hate themselves?

Sabotage at work.

For the first time in three years, there were no suggestions or implications that I would be fired from my job at Christmas time. Anita had returned home, but she was so busy catching up on her school work that she barely had time to speak to me. There was still some harassment at work but the level was low and the harassing phone calls had been reduced to 2 or 3 a day. I wasn't too surprised because first this was suppose to be the "low" period following the "high" I experienced at the photo conference and second, Anita was too busy and was still recovering from her operation to be of much use in terrorizing me. For a change, my life was relatively calm and in a couple of weeks, I was scheduled to leave Naziland for awhile.

I continued to take the Haldol medication, and of course Dr. Iron attributed my improved state of mind to the drug. I will relate at a later time when my improved condition was suppose to be a result of new medication that unknown to everyone else, I never took. But my environment did change to give me a change in my mental state.

As I expected, with the relative calm there was an increasing tendency for me to become very depressed. I asked Dr. Iron to give me some antidepressants, but he refused. Remember, I had tried to get my mother's unused antidepressants in anticipation of the onset of depression. Of course the insane Nazis still were convinced they could convince me that I was crazy.

The orchestrated events at work took a new twist. Incidences became more subtle and seemed designed to destroy my last area of real confidence which was my ability to do my job. Throughout all of the terrorism and harassment, I was able to maintain a position of technical leadership and I performed my job well. It now seemed that area of self esteem was being attacked. The week before the Aruba trip I was busy trying to get som last minute results. I needed to us an instrument called nuclear magnetic resonance(NMR) which was located in the sister Polymer Technology group. The use of the instrument required special chemical which Osama kept under lock and key. I went and asked him if I cold use some of the chemicals. He gave me the chemicals which were used only in conjuction with the NMR, and I prepared my samples for use on the NMR the next day.

The next morning I went over to the Polymer Technology laboratory to use the NMR. As I walked in, I could see Osama's friend Hun Wong in the distance frantically working on the instrument as if he were making some major adjustments. I watched for a couple of minutes, and then as he finished, I stepped into an adjacent room where Hun could not see me as he left. After his departure, I went in and tried to use the NMR machine. The instrument was totally out of adjustment and was inoperable. I could see a couple of valves, which were not suppose to be touched, had been turned out of adjustment. Hun apparently had sabbotaged the instrument and had made it inoperable. I went directly to Hun's office.

"Hun, have you used the NMR lately," I asked.

"Yes, I used it last week. Why?" he responded.

"How was it working?"

"Fine, I got good results."

"Well, I just tried to use it and it's all out of alignment. I can't get any results." I snapped back.

Hun continued to express ignorance about the condition of the instrument and even offered to help me fix it. We went back into the laboratory. A few quick tests confirmed that the machine was inoperable and that a major adjustment would be needed to make the NMR operational again.

"That's funny," Hun said. "It worked fine for me last week. I guess we'll have to get a repairman in to fix it. I'll call him today. You weren't in a hurry for the results, were you?"

"Well, I'm leaving for vacation tomorrow," I answered. "So I guess the results will have to wait a couple of weeks.

I didn't tell Hun that I knew he was lying because if I had, he would have only given me some lame excuse and that would have infuriated me. What frightened me was I had just witnessed an attempt to block me from doing me job in a competent manner. It would not take much to stop me from functioning on the job with the depressed state I was in.

That evening I had an appointment with Dr. Iron. After we had chatted for awhile about my impending trip to Aruba, I related the NMR incident to him.

I finished by saying, "And now "they" are sabotoaging my work to destroy my confidence and then they will say I'm not doing a satisfactory job."

Dr. Iron listened and then said, "You're still that sensitive!"

Note: There would future incidences where events prevented me from doing my job which clearly demonstates that the above and future acts were not random but rather were well orchestrated attempts to make me perform poorly on the job.

Temporary Freedom from the Nazis. Something most amerikans could never understand.

Based on Dr. Iron's response, I no longer had to question whether or not he was trying to help me. He was aware of what was happening and he had no response; that is he was NO help. I was just glad to leave his office and to know that the next day I was leaving Naziland and the whole situation behind.

Anita and i departed JFK airport in a heavy snow storm and arrived in Aruba to sunshine and a balmy breeze. Anita and I loveD Aruba and I had my first truly enjoyable week in over two years. The were absolutely no strange incidences or harassing events. I FELT FREE for the first time in over four years. I had escaped my tormentors by leaving the United Nazi States. There was no apprehension or fear when I interacted with people, and if I struck up a conversation with someonE, they reciprocated in a friendly manner. The contrast to the behavior and actions of people compared to what I had become acustomed to in amerika was striking.

I still was very nervous and I attributed that to the Haldol I was still taking. At one point I was standing in our room when there was a loud bang. I reacted by twitching as if I had been give an electric shock. After that, I decided it was time to stop taking that medication.

As our vacation came to an end, I began to dread going back to RAM. Things had been so pleasant in Aruba without the daily incidences that I realized why I had enjoyed life so much before I had become a political prison in amerika. Thought of going back to the Naziland nightmare was almost more than I could stand. But, being poor, what choice did I have.

When I returned to RAM, no one talked to me about my vacation even though I had returned with a very dark tan and had been gone from work for a week. On of the rules I had learned to live with was that I was never allowed to talk about my personal life with other employees. I was especially forbiden to talk about my wife. If I attempted to do so, I was ignored or the person I was talking to would just walk away. The inability to share the joy over my vacation took a lot of enjoyment out of the whole experience. I quickly became depressed being back in my old surroundings.

The destruction of a person using the Nazis mental torture techniques is often referred to as "living death". Although you are physically alive, your life is really dead. I guess that is one reason the amerikan government loves it so much. The can "kill" the person without the problem of a corpse to explain. Then all they have to do is destroy the person's mind and he or she(rarely) will not be able to tell anyone about it to the people who should know - the amerikan working class.

The reason I was not allowed to talk about my personal life or my wife is that when the Nazi's set out to destroy a person, they have to make them a "nonperson". It is easier to torture someone who you do not consider a human being. And, by not allowing a mention of my wife, the sick, psychopaths remove the truth that there are other victims to their demented acts. And those others victims are obviously innocent of any "crimes". Even the lowlife Nazi scumbags couldn't make my wife look like a deserving recipient of pain and suffering at their hands. And any glimpse of the truth would make my captors and torments look despotic and psychotic.

Last night I was watching a detective/crime show and the detective was describing the criminal as a sociopath. The detective went on to say that a sociopath "has no remorse and believes the victim and their family are not entitled to any compensation for the damage done by the sociopath". I have been told that the scum that totally destroyed my life feel they have done no wrong(no remorse) and obviously I don't deserve any compensation for what they did. That is why I struggle to this day to survive and live on a below the poverty level income.

BUT WHAT IS IMPORTANT IS THAT THESE SAME PEOPLE ARE PART OF THE RULING ELITE MENTALITY IN THIS COUNTRY AND THAT IS THE PRIMARY REASON THIS SOCIETY IS CRUMBLING. THESE SOCIOPATHS ARE RUNNING AND RUINING THE COUNTRY. AND I DON'T MEAN THE REPUBLICANS AND THE DEMOCRATS, I MEAN THE RULING ELITE AND THEIR GESTAPO AGENCIES.

Democracy Passes Into Despotism!

I was becoming more and more depressed with time and the actions around me seemed designed to increase the depression. A new job assignment I was given was a basic research type of job which I dislike and which limited my interactions with other scientists. The increased isolation at work was both frustrating and depressing.

Despite the little interaction I had with people, I found that I was able to discern a difference. There seemed to be two groups of people among my co-workers. In my total paranoid state, I assumed everyone knew of my situation and conspired against me, but with passing time, I perceived that some people were unaware of what was being done to me. I decided to test my hunch.

One afternoon I walked into Moe Gilley's office and struck up a conversation. Moe had just transferred into the area and he had been uncharacteristically friendly and intereacted with me. As we talked, I started to relate my story to him about how I had been set up as a witness and then terrorized and how "they" tried to kill me when I refused to sign my deposition. Moe was shocked and sympathetic. He expressed his strong diapproval of such tactics. Not once did he say I was ill or that he didn't believe me.

As we talked, Don Slewowski who was in an adjacent office, barged in and demanded to see Marty immediately. Don took Moe into his office and spoke with him in private for about five minutes. When Moe came back, he was reluctant to talk to me, and as soon as I tried to talk about my experience, he walked away; Moe's reaction to me before and after the interruption by Don was like night and day. However, the episode convinced me that not everyone around me knew of my situation. Apparently "they" wanted as few workers as possible to know about how sick they were and for what amerika really stands!

Extremism In The Defense Of Fascism Is No Vice

In early 1980, my new manager Pat Clover came into my office and gave me a new assignment. He asked me to check out a new Japanese product and then told me to order the material and evaluate it. The assignment was the type that guaranteed some positive results and would stimulate discussion and interaction with other people. I was surprised but pleased that Perry had asked me to do the work. I enthusiastically got busy on the assignment and completed all the necissary paper work to order the material for evaluation. Several days later I received a call from the Site Chemical Coordinator.

"This is Jim Pounds in chemical safety," he said. "I just received your Hazzardous Materials Authorization(HMA) for some chemicals and I was wondering if you have the Material Safety Data Sheet(MSDS) too?"

"Why do you ask that?" I asked.

"Well the state law requires that I have MSDA before I order the chemicals."

"I've never had to have one before!" I replied.

"Well, It's the law and I can't order the chemicals until I have one," he snapped back.

I wasn't going to argue with him so I said, "fine; I'll get them."

I went directly to Pat and told him the situation. He said it was the law and that I should go ahead and do it. I called the company supplying the material I wanted and they said that they did not have a MSDS on the product and could not supply one, but they could supply a MSDS for each component chemical in the product. I said that would be adequate and gave them my mailing address.

I was still upset because I had ordered many chemicals without a MSDS. I checked around and found that none of my co-workers had needed a MSDS to order chemicals. I began to get suspicious. After all I and other workers in the department probably broke about 3-5 laws EVERY DAY to perform our jobs. As most americans are now learning, laws have no meaning in the every day functioning of large corporations. The laws are there for the little people. You just did your job. You never worried about the laws. For the selective enforcement of laws, all you have to do is look at the enforcement of immigration laws in Naziland. The ruling fascists only enforce the laws when it is convenient for them to do so. Selective enforcement of laws is only one of a myriad of reasons most american are upset with the ruling fascists.

About a week later I received the MSDS copies for the component chemicals and sent them to Mr. Bannura A couple of days later I got another call from Jim Pounds.

"This is Jim Pounds. Those MSDS copies you sent me are not adequate. I need the MSDS for the product."

"The company does not have one," I answered angrily. "What is what I sent you?"

"I need a MSDS for the product," he adamantly replied. "It's the state law!"

"I'll take care of it," I replied as I slammed down the phone.

I was angry. I went to Pat and told him of the situation. Perry back Jim Pound's position and refused to go to bat for me. I was angry that I had been frustrated again. I left Pat's office knowing I had failed to complete the assignment and that I could not do anything about it. I called Jim Pound one more time, but I made no progress. Pound was selectively enforcing a law to frustrate me.

Two days later I was walking down the hall when I happened to pass Klaus Closeau's office. There sitting on his desk in plain view were two bottles of the chmicals I had unsuccessfully tried to order. HOW CONVENIENT AND OBVIOUS. Klaus was in his office.

"Where did you get that?" I asked as I pointed to the bottles.

"Oh, they were sent to me," he calmly replied. "I guess I'll have to evaluate it. It is suppose to work pretty good."

"I tried to get that and Pounds stopped me because I couldn't get a MSDS," I said. "How did you manage?"

Klaus just shrugged his shoulders and didn't say anything.

I walked out of his office thinking about the planning and orchestration the whole incident had required. First I was lifted up by a challenging assignme and then I was frustrated by enforcing an unused law and finally I was made to feel like a failure by having someone else be successful at what I could not do. The whole incident was typical of events which went on daily in my life. The thing would have seemed "normal" except for the selective enforcement of the rule to frustrate me. Pat's failure to support me and Klaus' coincidental interest and success in obtaining the same chemicals would have been enough to make me suspicious. About a year later the problem of requiring MSDS did surface on a broader scale, but nothing was done about it and it just faded away. Other than this one exception, I did not encounter the MSDS rule the entire time I was at RAM.

Self Control versus Control of My Environment

Soon after the MSDS incident, there was an expansion in my area. A new department was formed with a new manager, and in keeping with the Nazi's policy of moving me around as much as possible, I was transferred to the new area. I think Pat was glad to get rid of me and the problems that went along with me. My new assignment meant little to me other than I would have a new manager. I was still very depressed, but I still foolishly hoped that I could save my future.

As part of my way to cope with all of the stress I was being subjected to, I began drinking heavily again. almost every evening I would come home and pour myself a couple of glasses of wine. By about seven P.M., I was totally drunk and all of the anger would come out. I would yell, swear and carry on until I was in such a fit of rage that I would smash a glass in the fireplace. On one occasion when Anita tried to argue with me, I became so enraged that I threw a glass through a picture window. That glass throwing incident cost me one hundred and fifty dollars for the repair. As time went on, I was getting drunk on the average about three of the five week day working nights.

The rants I would go on when I got drunk was always about how STUPID and SICK my tormentors had to be to set me up as a witness and then try to drive me insane or kill me by accident or suicide to cover up their stupidity and evilness. I just couldn't believe that the amerikan system was so corrupt as to support such evil. Of course, now days given the political and world events, such thoughts about not believing the evil of the amerikan system seems naive. But remember, this was 1980 and not present day. Most of the unrest that exists today is because most amerikans are losing their naivity about what they believe about amerika. And I laugh because I have spent the last 30 years trying to warn amerikans and they wouldn't listen. Now amerikans will learn the hard way.

Just when my drinking was becoming a real problem, the RAM medical department called me for the first time in almost eight months for a psychiatric follow up. This time I saw Dr. Cryer, who said I was doing fine, but he expressed concern about my excessive drinking. He just happened to inquire about by drinking habits during this particular interview. I told him I had not been a drinker in the past and that I could stop if I wanted to. He seemed to doubt that I could or would, but I assured him that I would stop.

The problem was that whenever I didn't express my anger I became depressed and when I stopped drinking and getting angry, I became very depressed. I was still seeing Dr. Iron every other week, and when I told him I had stopped drinking entirely he was amazed.

"Do you mean you have enough will power to just stop drinking?" he asked increduously.

"Sure, I have a lot of will power and drinking is something I have control over. I can't control my environment or the actions of the people around me. That's why I can't get better." I replied.

Dr. Iron didn't like my comment, but he was still surprised that I could stop consuming alcohol so abruptly after I had been drinking so much.

"Of course, now that I'm not drinking, I'm becoming more depressed. Can I have some antidepressants?"

Dr. Iron didn't hesitate. "No, you don't need them."

I believed Dr. Iron's refusal to give antidepressants was part of the plan to get me truly depressed and possibly suicidal again. There seemed to be no rational reason way someone as depressed as I was should not have been given antidepressants.

In retrospect, Dr. Iron's whole reaction and treatment of me reflects the really malevolent nature of Dr. Iron. He had fled the original German Nazis and now he seemed like he was determined to bring harm to other people to help the amerikan Nazis. I'll never know what his true motivation was but I don't believe it as a positive motivator. I guess he believed it was better to be the persecutor rather than be the person being persecuted.

More frustration

I decided the best way to keep my sanity was to bury myself in my work in mid-1980 I began directing all my efforts towards my research. Within a month the results were noticeable. I could tell by the length and quality of my monthy report that I had accomplished quit a bit. I felt good about my work and there seemed to be little that "they" could do to effect my research.

Then, a couple of days after I had handed in the lenghty report, a safety violation was found in my general working area and the laboratory was closed! The violation was trivial and could have easily been cleaned up. At first it was suppose to be for a few days, but when no progress was made after a week, I became suspicious. Interestingly, the only area of the laboratory to be shut down was the exact area that I worked in. I complained to management and wrote memos, but I was not given any new area to work. For a month I sat at my desk and did very little while the laboratory was closed. As I sat there doing nothing, I became more depressed and couldn't help but think that "they" had decided I was being too productive and that my work had to be stopped. A month later my section of the laboratory was reopened. The only real change that had occurred was in my diminished enthusiasm for my work.

Killing my enthusiasm for my work was a crushing blow and it made me angry. For the first time in a long while, I felt like fighting back. I knew the one thing the Nazis feared more than anything was the truth, and I was the only one who could and would tell the truth. Since I was concerned that as the years went by, and my mental health continued to deteriorate that I would be unable to recall what had happened I decided to keep another diary and document the happenings. I knew the diary could alway be stolen like the last one, but I believed that to steal the diary containing events occurring at RAM would be too strong of an implication of RAM's involvement. I would however, make an effort to protect the diary. I also wanted to my thoughts down in order to have some record of how I perceived events and how my emotions changed and were manipulated by by environment. Since I didn't want my beliefs and thoughts to be used to manipulate me even more than I was already being manipulated, I wanted to try to keep the diary in a secure place. With that in mind, I began to keep my second diary in late June, 1980.

Having the rug pulled out from beneath me.

I commented in the previous post that the amerikan Nazi government hates and fears the truth. They also hate justice. The two go hand in hand. Their hatred of justice can be seen almost every day with Nazi bombardments about how lawsuit settlements must be stopped or curbed. Remember, in the current BP oil "spill" the corporate liability in capped BY LAW to seventy five million dollars. Of course, lawsuits are about the only avenue the average amerikan has left to seek justice in this fascist system. The ruling amerikan nazis want to put and end to that avenue of justice. And, in a civil lawsuit the TRUTH just might emerge which goes back to my opening statement. I repeat: the ruling fascist elite hate truth and justice.

Back to my story:

I continued to be depressed and my anger was now limited to yelling sessions at my wife. One morning as I was getting dressed I began yelling about how my career had been destroyed and how I didn't have any vacation time because I kept taking days off when I was too depressed to go to work. I continued to harp on the vacation time as I left the house.

I had no more arrived at work and was sitting at my desk when my new manager, Laurie Bushell called.

"Good morning, Russ! How would you like to go to San Francisco for a week?" she asked.

"What do you mean?" I asked in a startled voice.

"Do you want to go to the ACS meeting in San Francisco at the end of August?"

"Sure." I answered. "What do I have to do?"

"Just write me a short request in memo form and you can go. It's all approved."

The timing of the call and my conversation with Anita that morning seemed very coincidental(a elipse or a circle!), but even without the coincidence, I was very skeptical that RAM was going to send me to San Francisco. Nevertheless I wrote the request as I had been instructed. That day I checked around and found that Osama and two other members from my area were going. I was also told that one of the people going had seen the "approved list" and that my name was indeed on the list. I still remained skeptical because when "they" wanted me to believe something "they" frequently supported what I was to believe with several confirming sources.

A couple of days later, Laurie called me and said I was also to go to RAM in San Jose the week prior to the ACS meeting. I was to attend a RAM review meeting with John Loser, who was my second level manager. Later, Laurie told I had to be in San Jose on August 28 and 29 because John was going to be there on those dates. I felt more and more that I was being toyed with. I had been promised trips to San Jose at least four different times in the past, but the trip was always cancelled at the last minute and I never got to go.

I decided to check with the receptionist who handled all flight arrangements in the department about John Loser's flight plans. She would know who was going to San Jose and "they" probably had not thought to cover up that end of the plan. Sure enough, John Loser had plans for a flight to San Jose on August 4th and was scheduled to return on August 6th. He had no other flights scheduled to San Jose in August. Despite my confirmed suspicions, I mad all the necessary arrangements and even change my own plans to get away for a few days just to accommodate the business trip. I was going to San Jose and San Francisco at the end of August.

In early August, the ACS meeting was moved to Las Vegas because of a hotel worker's strike in San Francisco. I knew this would give my Nazi tormentors an excuse to prohibit me from attending the meeting. Laurie immediately informed me that I probably could not attend the meeting because of the increase in cost. I sat down and calculated that it would cost a maximum of $43.00 more to go the Las Vegas/San Jose compared to the trip to San Francisco/San Jose. In RAM $43.00 isn't even noticed on an expense account - it's pocket change. I wrote a memo to the effect that the cost difference was minimal and offered to pay any difference in cost. On August twelfth, John Loser informed me the trip to Las Vegas/San Jose "could not be justified". When he told me, tears swelled in my eyes at the disappointment. As usual I had been made a promise and then it was pulled out from under me. Laurie said she would check with John again, but two days later the answer came back that I could not go.

Now everything would have seemed almost "normal" except that OSAMA and OTHER DEPARTMENT MEMBERS DID MAKE THE TRIP. No explaination was given as to why their trip was justified and mine was not.

Note added: In Amerika if you survive Nazi torture, you are still a political prisoner for life which means the Nazis keep you impoverished and still harass you. Now some 30 years later, it would appear the Nazis are still trying to stop me from taking a trip that I have planned. They don't get any sicker than the Amerikan ruling fascists.

Another No-Win or Psychological Double-Bind Situation

"The cost per day of the oil spill to BP so far has been $16 million. That number is dwarfed by the $66 million per day the firm made in profit in the first quarter of this year. Indeed, in 2009 BP's total profits were $14 billion. As CNN's Christine Romans notes, even if the cleanup costs were to rise to $14 billion, it would simply mean that BP went one year without make a profit, let alone losing money."

So why is it that the amerikan government decided that BP and other oil companies should have such a limited liability of only 75 million dollars TOTAL? Who will end up paying for the rest of the clean-up? YOU, the people of the working class. This is what fascism is: government and corporations that work together to the detriment of the working class - class warfare, a forbidden term in Nazi amerika. I am a victim of this facist system where government and corporations worked hand in hand to enrich corporate coffers at the expense of my marriage, family, career, friends and health. Some system, huh? The same amerikan system that you have been taught and are demanded to worship. WAKE UP AMERICANS!

Back to my story:

At home, my life was not any better. Our social life had all but disappeared when Anita came home one day and unexpectedly said we were invited to go to a barbecue at the Van Doren's on the weekend.

"Do you want to go?' she asked.

Anita knew I had frequently accused the Van Doren's of having drugged me on our another visit to their house and she and "they" must have expected a negative answer from me. Of course, this was a perfect psychological double-bind or a no win situation. Do I avoid contact with people who I greatly disliked or do I accept the only opportunity for social interaction? I assumed that was the reason for the invitation.

I thought for a moment and then said, "It'll be fun to socialize for a change. Sure I'll go."

Anita was taken back by my answer. "You will?!" She asked in disbelief.

"Sure." I answered. "I'm looking forward to it."

The invitation was a typical no win situation that Darth Korey mentioned my first few days at Gamma Supplies years before. Not that the destruction of my life was preplanned or that I would remember Darth mentioning that!!!!! Darth couldn't help but brag to and taunt his victims.

If I let my anger and hate dictate my decision and said no, then Anita and Dr. Iron could say I had no social life because of my "mental illness". If I said yes, I would put myself in a very unpleasant situation. No-win!

A couple of days went by and Anita didn't say anything more about the barbecue. I began to thinking she was hoping that I had forgotten about it. Since I wasn't going to let it slip by I brought up the subject.

"Are we still going to the barbecue Saturday?" I asked.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you. I called Jane today and she said they changed it to next weekend." Anita offered.

"OK. But don't forget it though. I really want to go." I replied.

I could tell Anita felt uncomfortable about my enthusiasm for attending the barbecue. By now, either Anita and/or "they" had expected me to turn down the offer, and now that I had accepted , the game became to find a way to keep me from attending.

Another week went by and again Anita said nothing. Finally on Friday I said, "Are we going to the barbecue tomorrow?" Anita was visibly annoyed by my insistence.

"Oh, they had to change it again. It is going to be in two weeks."

I knew I was never going to that barbecue, but I kept asking about it all summer. After two months of asking, the barbecue was cancelled until next summer. The whole incident had been a "no-win" situation for me.
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For those that don't remember, psychologists call no-win situations a psychological double-bind. Psychological double-binds are thought to be a major contributor to schizophrenic behavior. These no-win situations were a key element in the Nazis attempt to drive me permanently insane.

Different Day, SOS

In the sometimes war like situation that was created between Anita and me, we developed our own way of communicating to each other without saying anything. In one instance I was carrying on about being ostracised from society.

"Damn them!" I said. "They have people avoid me and terrorize me and they "they" have the psychiatrist say it's because I'm mentally ill. "They won't let anyone come in my house just like they did at Gamma Supplies. Maybe I should throw a party and invite everyone at work to come to the party. I wonder what "they" would do? How would "they" get out of that one? That's what I'm going to do. Tomorrow I'm going to invite everyone at work to a party here next weekend."

Anita was sitting on the couch and she just looked at me as if to say, "what are you trying to do? Get yourself killed?" She didn't have to say anything because I could see what she was thinking. She was right. No matter what I did, I was going to lose. The Nazi amerikan government/corporate state was going to destroy me or kill me no matter what I did. And without saying a word and with a single look, Anita had stopped my great idea.

At work, the organizational changes and growth in my area continued, and in September 1980 a new second level manager was named to replace John Loser. His new replacement Ed James was a seasoned RAM veteran and had been a manager in my technical area previously. As a result, I did anticipate any dramatic changes in my area.

Ed held the usual area meeting to introduce himself, and then he presented an organizational chart. As part of his new organization, he was creating a new department for which he announced he would be seeking a new manager. When he made the announcement, my heart sank because I knew "they" would try to get me to believe I was being considered for the job just as I was going to be the new "Technical Director" at Gamma Supplies. No matter how rediculous it sounded given my situation, "they" would try to get me to believe I was being considered for the job. As expected, during the next few weeks coworkers would comment that they heard I was being considered for the management job. Just the fact that suggestions(a key element in mental torture) were made caused me to become more depressed. Then in early October, I received a note in my mail that said Ed James wanted to meet with me. When I checked with the secretary she said it was a routine skip-level interview, and that the purpose was to acquaint Ed with his new personnel.

The Nazis always took every advantage to recreate situations that had happened at Gamma Supplies. It was part of the mind control conditioning that they were doing to create "permanent mental illness". Interestingly, last night there was a show on the Nazi government's gestapo agency, the CIA and their experiments in mind control and what they did to their victims in the '60s and '70s. Of course these experiments were illegal and their victims were US citizens living within the US boundaries. The experiments were described as barbaric and inhumane and worse than those carried out by the previous Nazi regime, Hitler's Germany. I was now a victim of those experimental results that were being put to practical real life use to destroy human life.

And the destruction of my life continues

How A Normal Life Free of Nazi Terrorism Shines Through Briefly.

When I arrived home, I immediately callled the travel agent. Since the money we paid was not refundable within 10 days of departure, I was concerned about losing the money. The agent assured me that as long as a doctor would confirm Anita's condition, we would get our money refunded or we could reschedule the trip. I decided we definitely needed a vacation and rescheduled the trip for the first week in January. With that concern taken care of, I headed back to the hospital.

As I drove back, I thought about how smoothly everything had gone with the changes in the vacation plans. Nothing went smoothly like that for me . "They" always interferred or planned problems to cause me frustration. I realized that events had happened so spontaneously and rapidly that "they" didn't have the opportunity to intervene. What was strange was the fact that it was so very noticeable when events went smoothly and normally. The same was true with the happenings with Anita. Help arrived at the house quickly, the doctor and nurses at the hospital were prompt and courteous. There was no double talk or strange happenings - everything was normal! That was the point I always tried to point out to the Nazi psychiatrists. I could just tell when things were normal and when someone was interferring in my life. Throughout this events of this morning crisis, people were friendly, helpful and considerate. There was no Nazi government interferrence.

When I got back to the hospital, the doctor greeted me and told me that they had stopped the internal bleeding and that Anita should fine. The pysician was also visibly annoyed by the fact that I had not stayed at the hospital and waited while they operated. I could understand his view, but then he was not in my shoes. I had been mentally tortured so badly that I couldn't just sit during such a stressful situation.

Anita spent a week in the hospital recovering from the operation. She had been pregnant and the tubal pregnancy had ruptured. The good news was that she would be alright, but the bad new was that she could never have children since the other fallopian tube had been damaged in a previous operation. I tried to cheer her up by telling her that I had rescheduled the trip to Aruba, but the new of the lost baby really hurt Anita. She had been trying to get pregnant for so long and wanted a child so badly. There was little I could do besided visit her and try to cheer her up.

For me, a childless marriage was a blessing because of the Nazi government's presence in my life. I can only imagine how "they" would have used a baby/child in my life to make me miserable. But I do know those Nazi lowlife scumbags would have used any of my children against me in their attempts to destroy me. There is no way to fully describe the filth that these people are! And these are the powerbrokers that run amerika. Is there any wonder why this country is in the mess it is in? You know, things like "Drill Baby Drill" and the hell with the consequences!


The week Anita was in the hospital was hectic but less stressful. With her in the hospital and with the days off from work because of the Thanksgiving holiday, my life was relatively stress free. The abrupt change from the constant harassment of the Photo Conference incidences to the relative calm away from work and living alone was very noticeable. The peace and quiet of the situation gave me time to reflect on how good my life could be without the interference from the demented powerbrokers who had taken control of my life. I had a loving wife, good family and friends, a good job and a comfortable lifestyle. The only thing really wrong in my life was the acts of my tormentors and the constant threat of losing everything. And that constant fear and threat of having everything TAKEN from me by the the Nazi capitalist, fascist system was the fear that my tormentors used to constantly terrorize me. As I reflected on things, it became evident that even in less stressful times, I couldn't get my depressing situation off my mind. And may the Nazi bastards rot in hell and suffer miserably for what they did to me and my family.

Sabotage at work.

For the first time in three years, there were no suggestions or implications that I would be fired from my job at Christmas time. Anita had returned home, but she was so busy catching up on her school work that she barely had time to speak to me. There was still some harassment at work but the level was low and the harassing phone calls had been reduced to 2 or 3 a day. I wasn't too surprised because first this was suppose to be the "low" period following the "high" I experienced at the photo conference and second, Anita was too busy and was still recovering from her operation to be of much use in terrorizing me. For a change, my life was relatively calm and in a couple of weeks, I was scheduled to leave Naziland for awhile.

I continued to take the Haldol medication, and of course Dr. Iron attributed my improved state of mind to the drug. I will relate at a later time when my improved condition was suppose to be a result of new medication that unknown to everyone else, I never took. But my environment did change to give me a change in my mental state.

As I expected, with the relative calm there was an increasing tendency for me to become very depressed. I asked Dr. Iron to give me some antidepressants, but he refused. Remember, I had tried to get my mother's unused antidepressants in anticipation of the onset of depression. Of course the insane Nazis still were convinced they could convince me that I was crazy.

The orchestrated events at work took a new twist. Incidences became more subtle and seemed designed to destroy my last area of real confidence which was my ability to do my job. Throughout all of the terrorism and harassment, I was able to maintain a position of technical leadership and I performed my job well. It now seemed that area of self esteem was being attacked. The week before the Aruba trip I was busy trying to get som last minute results. I needed to us an instrument called nuclear magnetic resonance(NMR) which was located in the sister Polymer Technology group. The use of the instrument required special chemical which Osama kept under lock and key. I went and asked him if I cold use some of the chemicals. He gave me the chemicals which were used only in conjuction with the NMR, and I prepared my samples for use on the NMR the next day.

The next morning I went over to the Polymer Technology laboratory to use the NMR. As I walked in, I could see Osama's friend Hun Wong in the distance frantically working on the instrument as if he were making some major adjustments. I watched for a couple of minutes, and then as he finished, I stepped into an adjacent room where Hun could not see me as he left. After his departure, I went in and tried to use the NMR machine. The instrument was totally out of adjustment and was inoperable. I could see a couple of valves, which were not suppose to be touched, had been turned out of adjustment. Hun apparently had sabbotaged the instrument and had made it inoperable. I went directly to Hun's office.

"Hun, have you used the NMR lately," I asked.

"Yes, I used it last week. Why?" he responded.

"How was it working?"

"Fine, I got good results."

"Well, I just tried to use it and it's all out of alignment. I can't get any results." I snapped back.

Hun continued to express ignorance about the condition of the instrument and even offered to help me fix it. We went back into the laboratory. A few quick tests confirmed that the machine was inoperable and that a major adjustment would be needed to make the NMR operational again.

"That's funny," Hun said. "It worked fine for me last week. I guess we'll have to get a repairman in to fix it. I'll call him today. You weren't in a hurry for the results, were you?"

"Well, I'm leaving for vacation tomorrow," I answered. "So I guess the results will have to wait a couple of weeks.

I didn't tell Hun that I knew he was lying because if I had, he would have only given me some lame excuse and that would have infuriated me. What frightened me was I had just witnessed an attempt to block me from doing me job in a competent manner. It would not take much to stop me from functioning on the job with the depressed state I was in.

That evening I had an appointment with Dr. Iron. After we had chatted for awhile about my impending trip to Aruba, I related the NMR incident to him.

I finished by saying, "And now "they" are sabotoaging my work to destroy my confidence and then they will say I'm not doing a satisfactory job."

Dr. Iron listened and then said, "You're still that sensitive!"

Note: There would future incidences where events prevented me from doing my job which clearly demonstates that the above and future acts were not random but rather were well orchestrated attempts to make me perform poorly on the job.

Added Note: After 28 years out of the work environment, I recently started a part-time position in an office to supplement my income. After I was there for 3 days, one person in the office started with Nazi like attacks on me with the intent of driving out of the office. It seems extremely strange to me that I should just happen to run into a psycho by chance when returning to the work environment!!!!


Temporary Freedom from the Nazis. Something most amerikans could never understand.

Based on Dr. Iron's response, I no longer had to question whether or not he was trying to help me. He was aware of what was happening and he had no response; that is he was NO help. I was just glad to leave his office and to know that the next day I was leaving Naziland and the whole situation behind.

Anita and i departed JFK airport in a heavy snow storm and arrived in Aruba to sunshine and a balmy breeze. Anita and I loveD Aruba and I had my first truly enjoyable week in over two years. The were absolutely no strange incidences or harassing events. I FELT FREE for the first time in over four years. I had escaped my tormentors by leaving the United Nazi States. There was no apprehension or fear when I interacted with people, and if I struck up a conversation with someonE, they reciprocated in a friendly manner. The contrast to the behavior and actions of people compared to what I had become acustomed to in amerika was striking.

I still was very nervous and I attributed that to the Haldol I was still taking. At one point I was standing in our room when there was a loud bang. I reacted by twitching as if I had been give an electric shock. After that, I decided it was time to stop taking that medication.

As our vacation came to an end, I began to dread going back to RAM. Things had been so pleasant in Aruba without the daily incidences that I realized why I had enjoyed life so much before I had become a political prison in amerika. Thought of going back to the Naziland nightmare was almost more than I could stand. But, being poor, what choice did I have.

When I returned to RAM, no one talked to me about my vacation even though I had returned with a very dark tan and had been gone from work for a week. On of the rules I had learned to live with was that I was never allowed to talk about my personal life with other employees. I was especially forbiden to talk about my wife. If I attempted to do so, I was ignored or the person I was talking to would just walk away. The inability to share the joy over my vacation took a lot of enjoyment out of the whole experience. I quickly became depressed being back in my old surroundings.

The destruction of a person using the Nazis mental torture techniques is often referred to as "living death". Although you are physically alive, your life is really dead. I guess that is one reason the amerikan government loves it so much. The can "kill" the person without the problem of a corpse to explain. Then all they have to do is destroy the person's mind and he or she(rarely) will not be able to tell anyone about it to the people who should know - the amerikan working class.

The reason I was not allowed to talk about my personal life or my wife is that when the Nazi's set out to destroy a person, they have to make them a "nonperson". It is easier to torture someone who you do not consider a human being. And, by not allowing a mention of my wife, the sick, psychopaths remove the truth that there are other victims to their demented acts. And those others victims are obviously innocent of any "crimes". Even the lowlife Nazi scumbags couldn't make my wife look like a deserving recipient of pain and suffering at their hands. And any glimpse of the truth would make my captors and torments look despotic and psychotic.

Last night I was watching a detective/crime show and the detective was describing the criminal as a sociopath. The detective went on to say that a sociopath "has no remorse and believes the victim and their family are not entitled to any compensation for the damage done by the sociopath". I have been told that the scum that totally destroyed my life feel they have done no wrong(no remorse) and obviously I don't deserve any compensation for what they did. That is why I struggle to this day to survive and live on a below the poverty level income.

BUT WHAT IS IMPORTANT IS THAT THESE SAME PEOPLE ARE PART OF THE RULING ELITE MENTALITY IN THIS COUNTRY AND THAT IS THE PRIMARY REASON THIS SOCIETY IS CRUMBLING. THESE SOCIOPATHS ARE RUNNING AND RUINING THE COUNTRY. AND I DON'T MEAN THE REPUBLICANS AND THE DEMOCRATS, I MEAN THE RULING ELITE AND THEIR GESTAPO AGENCIES.

Democracy Passes Into Despotism!

I was becoming more and more depressed with time and the actions around me seemed designed to increase the depression. A new job assignment I was given was a basic research type of job which I dislike and which limited my interactions with other scientists. The increased isolation at work was both frustrating and depressing.

Despite the little interaction I had with people, I found that I was able to discern a difference. There seemed to be two groups of people among my co-workers. In my total paranoid state, I assumed everyone knew of my situation and conspired against me, but with passing time, I perceived that some people were unaware of what was being done to me. I decided to test my hunch.

One afternoon I walked into Moe Gilley's office and struck up a conversation. Moe had just transferred into the area and he had been uncharacteristically friendly and intereacted with me. As we talked, I started to relate my story to him about how I had been set up as a witness and then terrorized and how "they" tried to kill me when I refused to sign my deposition. Moe was shocked and sympathetic. He expressed his strong diapproval of such tactics. Not once did he say I was ill or that he didn't believe me.

As we talked, Don Slewowski who was in an adjacent office, barged in and demanded to see Marty immediately. Don took Moe into his office and spoke with him in private for about five minutes. When Moe came back, he was reluctant to talk to me, and as soon as I tried to talk about my experience, he walked away; Moe's reaction to me before and after the interruption by Don was like night and day. However, the episode convinced me that not everyone around me knew of my situation. Apparently "they" wanted as few workers as possible to know about how sick they were and for what amerika really stands!

Extremism In The Defense Of Fascism Is No Vice

In early 1980, my new manager Pat Clover came into my office and gave me a new assignment. He asked me to check out a new Japanese product and then told me to order the material and evaluate it. The assignment was the type that guaranteed some positive results and would stimulate discussion and interaction with other people. I was surprised but pleased that Perry had asked me to do the work. I enthusiastically got busy on the assignment and completed all the necissary paper work to order the material for evaluation. Several days later I received a call from the Site Chemical Coordinator.

"This is Jim Pounds in chemical safety," he said. "I just received your Hazzardous Materials Authorization(HMA) for some chemicals and I was wondering if you have the Material Safety Data Sheet(MSDS) too?"

"Why do you ask that?" I asked.

"Well the state law requires that I have MSDA before I order the chemicals."

"I've never had to have one before!" I replied.

"Well, It's the law and I can't order the chemicals until I have one," he snapped back.

I wasn't going to argue with him so I said, "fine; I'll get them."

I went directly to Pat and told him the situation. He said it was the law and that I should go ahead and do it. I called the company supplying the material I wanted and they said that they did not have a MSDS on the product and could not supply one, but they could supply a MSDS for each component chemical in the product. I said that would be adequate and gave them my mailing address.

I was still upset because I had ordered many chemicals without a MSDS. I checked around and found that none of my co-workers had needed a MSDS to order chemicals. I began to get suspicious. After all I and other workers in the department probably broke about 3-5 laws EVERY DAY to perform our jobs. As most americans are now learning, laws have no meaning in the every day functioning of large corporations. The laws are there for the little people. You just did your job. You never worried about the laws. For the selective enforcement of laws, all you have to do is look at the enforcement of immigration laws in Naziland. The ruling fascists only enforce the laws when it is convenient for them to do so. Selective enforcement of laws is only one of a myriad of reasons most american are upset with the ruling fascists.

About a week later I received the MSDS copies for the component chemicals and sent them to Mr. Bannura A couple of days later I got another call from Jim Pounds.

"This is Jim Pounds. Those MSDS copies you sent me are not adequate. I need the MSDS for the product."

"The company does not have one," I answered angrily. "What is what I sent you?"

"I need a MSDS for the product," he adamantly replied. "It's the state law!"

"I'll take care of it," I replied as I slammed down the phone.

I was angry. I went to Pat and told him of the situation. Perry back Jim Pound's position and refused to go to bat for me. I was angry that I had been frustrated again. I left Pat's office knowing I had failed to complete the assignment and that I could not do anything about it. I called Jim Pound one more time, but I made no progress. Pound was selectively enforcing a law to frustrate me.

Two days later I was walking down the hall when I happened to pass Klaus Closeau's office. There sitting on his desk in plain view were two bottles of the chmicals I had unsuccessfully tried to order. HOW CONVENIENT AND OBVIOUS. Klaus was in his office.

"Where did you get that?" I asked as I pointed to the bottles.

"Oh, they were sent to me," he calmly replied. "I guess I'll have to evaluate it. It is suppose to work pretty good."

"I tried to get that and Pounds stopped me because I couldn't get a MSDS," I said. "How did you manage?"

Klaus just shrugged his shoulders and didn't say anything.

I walked out of his office thinking about the planning and orchestration the whole incident had required. First I was lifted up by a challenging assignme and then I was frustrated by enforcing an unused law and finally I was made to feel like a failure by having someone else be successful at what I could not do. The whole incident was typical of events which went on daily in my life. The thing would have seemed "normal" except for the selective enforcement of the rule to frustrate me. Pat's failure to support me and Klaus' coincidental interest and success in obtaining the same chemicals would have been enough to make me suspicious. About a year later the problem of requiring MSDS did surface on a broader scale, but nothing was done about it and it just faded away. Other than this one exception, I did not encounter the MSDS rule the entire time I was at RAM.

Self Control versus Control of My Environment

Soon after the MSDS incident, there was an expansion in my area. A new department was formed with a new manager, and in keeping with the Nazi's policy of moving me around as much as possible, I was transferred to the new area. I think Pat was glad to get rid of me and the problems that went along with me. My new assignment meant little to me other than I would have a new manager. I was still very depressed, but I still foolishly hoped that I could save my future.

As part of my way to cope with all of the stress I was being subjected to, I began drinking heavily again. almost every evening I would come home and pour myself a couple of glasses of wine. By about seven P.M., I was totally drunk and all of the anger would come out. I would yell, swear and carry on until I was in such a fit of rage that I would smash a glass in the fireplace. On one occasion when Anita tried to argue with me, I became so enraged that I threw a glass through a picture window. That glass throwing incident cost me one hundred and fifty dollars for the repair. As time went on, I was getting drunk on the average about three of the five week day working nights.

The rants I would go on when I got drunk was always about how STUPID and SICK my tormentors had to be to set me up as a witness and then try to drive me insane or kill me by accident or suicide to cover up their stupidity and evilness. I just couldn't believe that the amerikan system was so corrupt as to support such evil. Of course, now days given the political and world events, such thoughts about not believing the evil of the amerikan system seems naive. But remember, this was 1980 and not present day. Most of the unrest that exists today is because most amerikans are losing their naivity about what they believe about amerika. And I laugh because I have spent the last 30 years trying to warn amerikans and they wouldn't listen. Now amerikans will learn the hard way.

Just when my drinking was becoming a real problem, the RAM medical department called me for the first time in almost eight months for a psychiatric follow up. This time I saw Dr. Cryer, who said I was doing fine, but he expressed concern about my excessive drinking. He just happened to inquire about by drinking habits during this particular interview. I told him I had not been a drinker in the past and that I could stop if I wanted to. He seemed to doubt that I could or would, but I assured him that I would stop.

The problem was that whenever I didn't express my anger I became depressed and when I stopped drinking and getting angry, I became very depressed. I was still seeing Dr. Iron every other week, and when I told him I had stopped drinking entirely he was amazed.

"Do you mean you have enough will power to just stop drinking?" he asked increduously.

"Sure, I have a lot of will power and drinking is something I have control over. I can't control my environment or the actions of the people around me. That's why I can't get better." I replied.

Dr. Iron didn't like my comment, but he was still surprised that I could stop consuming alcohol so abruptly after I had been drinking so much.

"Of course, now that I'm not drinking, I'm becoming more depressed. Can I have some antidepressants?"

Dr. Iron didn't hesitate. "No, you don't need them."

I believed Dr. Iron's refusal to give antidepressants was part of the plan to get me truly depressed and possibly suicidal again. There seemed to be no rational reason way someone as depressed as I was should not have been given antidepressants.

In retrospect, Dr. Iron's whole reaction and treatment of me reflects the really malevolent nature of Dr. Iron. He had fled the original German Nazis and now he seemed like he was determined to bring harm to other people to help the amerikan Nazis. I'll never know what his true motivation was but I don't believe it as a positive motivator. I guess he believed it was better to be the persecutor rather than be the person being persecuted.

More frustration

I decided the best way to keep my sanity was to bury myself in my work in mid-1980 I began directing all my efforts towards my research. Within a month the results were noticeable. I could tell by the length and quality of my monthy report that I had accomplished quit a bit. I felt good about my work and there seemed to be little that "they" could do to effect my research.

Then, a couple of days after I had handed in the lenghty report, a safety violation was found in my general working area and the laboratory was closed! The violation was trivial and could have easily been cleaned up. At first it was suppose to be for a few days, but when no progress was made after a week, I became suspicious. Interestingly, the only area of the laboratory to be shut down was the exact area that I worked in. I complained to management and wrote memos, but I was not given any new area to work. For a month I sat at my desk and did very little while the laboratory was closed. As I sat there doing nothing, I became more depressed and couldn't help but think that "they" had decided I was being too productive and that my work had to be stopped. A month later my section of the laboratory was reopened. The only real change that had occurred was in my diminished enthusiasm for my work.

Killing my enthusiasm for my work was a crushing blow and it made me angry. For the first time in a long while, I felt like fighting back. I knew the one thing the Nazis feared more than anything was the truth, and I was the only one who could and would tell the truth. Since I was concerned that as the years went by, and my mental health continued to deteriorate that I would be unable to recall what had happened I decided to keep another diary and document the happenings. I knew the diary could alway be stolen like the last one, but I believed that to steal the diary containing events occurring at RAM would be too strong of an implication of RAM's involvement. I would however, make an effort to protect the diary. I also wanted to my thoughts down in order to have some record of how I perceived events and how my emotions changed and were manipulated by by environment. Since I didn't want my beliefs and thoughts to be used to manipulate me even more than I was already being manipulated, I wanted to try to keep the diary in a secure place. With that in mind, I began to keep my second diary in late June, 1980.

Having the rug pulled out from beneath me.

I commented in the previous post that the amerikan Nazi government hates and fears the truth. They also hate justice. The two go hand in hand. Their hatred of justice can be seen almost every day with Nazi bombardments about how lawsuit settlements must be stopped or curbed. Remember, in the current BP oil "spill" the corporate liability in capped BY LAW to seventy five million dollars. Of course, lawsuits are about the only avenue the average amerikan has left to seek justice in this fascist system. The ruling amerikan nazis want to put and end to that avenue of justice. And, in a civil lawsuit the TRUTH just might emerge which goes back to my opening statement. I repeat: the ruling fascist elite hate truth and justice.

Back to my story:

I continued to be depressed and my anger was now limited to yelling sessions at my wife. One morning as I was getting dressed I began yelling about how my career had been destroyed and how I didn't have any vacation time because I kept taking days off when I was too depressed to go to work. I continued to harp on the vacation time as I left the house.

I had no more arrived at work and was sitting at my desk when my new manager, Laurie Bushell called.

"Good morning, Russ! How would you like to go to San Francisco for a week?" she asked.

"What do you mean?" I asked in a startled voice.

"Do you want to go to the ACS meeting in San Francisco at the end of August?"

"Sure." I answered. "What do I have to do?"

"Just write me a short request in memo form and you can go. It's all approved."

The timing of the call and my conversation with Anita that morning seemed very coincidental(a elipse or a circle!), but even without the coincidence, I was very skeptical that RAM was going to send me to San Francisco. Nevertheless I wrote the request as I had been instructed. That day I checked around and found that Osama and two other members from my area were going. I was also told that one of the people going had seen the "approved list" and that my name was indeed on the list. I still remained skeptical because when "they" wanted me to believe something "they" frequently supported what I was to believe with several confirming sources.

A couple of days later, Laurie called me and said I was also to go to RAM in San Jose the week prior to the ACS meeting. I was to attend a RAM review meeting with John Loser, who was my second level manager. Later, Laurie told I had to be in San Jose on August 28 and 29 because John was going to be there on those dates. I felt more and more that I was being toyed with. I had been promised trips to San Jose at least four different times in the past, but the trip was always cancelled at the last minute and I never got to go.

I decided to check with the receptionist who handled all flight arrangements in the department about John Loser's flight plans. She would know who was going to San Jose and "they" probably had not thought to cover up that end of the plan. Sure enough, John Loser had plans for a flight to San Jose on August 4th and was scheduled to return on August 6th. He had no other flights scheduled to San Jose in August. Despite my confirmed suspicions, I mad all the necessary arrangements and even change my own plans to get away for a few days just to accommodate the business trip. I was going to San Jose and San Francisco at the end of August.

In early August, the ACS meeting was moved to Las Vegas because of a hotel worker's strike in San Francisco. I knew this would give my Nazi tormentors an excuse to prohibit me from attending the meeting. Laurie immediately informed me that I probably could not attend the meeting because of the increase in cost. I sat down and calculated that it would cost a maximum of $43.00 more to go the Las Vegas/San Jose compared to the trip to San Francisco/San Jose. In RAM $43.00 isn't even noticed on an expense account - it's pocket change. I wrote a memo to the effect that the cost difference was minimal and offered to pay any difference in cost. On August twelfth, John Loser informed me the trip to Las Vegas/San Jose "could not be justified". When he told me, tears swelled in my eyes at the disappointment. As usual I had been made a promise and then it was pulled out from under me. Laurie said she would check with John again, but two days later the answer came back that I could not go.

Now everything would have seemed almost "normal" except that OSAMA and OTHER DEPARTMENT MEMBERS DID MAKE THE TRIP. No explaination was given as to why their trip was justified and mine was not.

Note added: In Amerika if you survive Nazi torture, you are still a political prisoner for life which means the Nazis keep you impoverished and still harass you. Now some 30 years later, it would appear the Nazis are still trying to stop me from taking a trip that I have planned. They don't get any sicker than the Amerikan ruling fascists.

Another No-Win or Psychological Double-Bind Situation

"The cost per day of the oil spill to BP so far has been $16 million. That number is dwarfed by the $66 million per day the firm made in profit in the first quarter of this year. Indeed, in 2009 BP's total profits were $14 billion. As CNN's Christine Romans notes, even if the cleanup costs were to rise to $14 billion, it would simply mean that BP went one year without make a profit, let alone losing money."

So why is it that the amerikan government decided that BP and other oil companies should have such a limited liability of only 75 million dollars TOTAL? Who will end up paying for the rest of the clean-up? YOU, the people of the working class. This is what fascism is: government and corporations that work together to the detriment of the working class - class warfare, a forbidden term in Nazi amerika. I am a victim of this facist system where government and corporations worked hand in hand to enrich corporate coffers at the expense of my marriage, family, career, friends and health. Some system, huh? The same amerikan system that you have been taught and are demanded to worship. WAKE UP AMERICANS!

Back to my story:

At home, my life was not any better. Our social life had all but disappeared when Anita came home one day and unexpectedly said we were invited to go to a barbecue at the Van Doren's on the weekend.

"Do you want to go?' she asked.

Anita knew I had frequently accused the Van Doren's of having drugged me on our another visit to their house and she and "they" must have expected a negative answer from me. Of course, this was a perfect psychological double-bind or a no win situation. Do I avoid contact with people who I greatly disliked or do I accept the only opportunity for social interaction? I assumed that was the reason for the invitation.

I thought for a moment and then said, "It'll be fun to socialize for a change. Sure I'll go."

Anita was taken back by my answer. "You will?!" She asked in disbelief.

"Sure." I answered. "I'm looking forward to it."

The invitation was a typical no win situation that Darth Korey mentioned my first few days at Gamma Supplies years before. Not that the destruction of my life was preplanned or that I would remember Darth mentioning that!!!!! Darth couldn't help but brag to and taunt his victims.

If I let my anger and hate dictate my decision and said no, then Anita and Dr. Iron could say I had no social life because of my "mental illness". If I said yes, I would put myself in a very unpleasant situation. No-win!

A couple of days went by and Anita didn't say anything more about the barbecue. I began to thinking she was hoping that I had forgotten about it. Since I wasn't going to let it slip by I brought up the subject.

"Are we still going to the barbecue Saturday?" I asked.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you. I called Jane today and she said they changed it to next weekend." Anita offered.

"OK. But don't forget it though. I really want to go." I replied.

I could tell Anita felt uncomfortable about my enthusiasm for attending the barbecue. By now, either Anita and/or "they" had expected me to turn down the offer, and now that I had accepted , the game became to find a way to keep me from attending.

Another week went by and again Anita said nothing. Finally on Friday I said, "Are we going to the barbecue tomorrow?" Anita was visibly annoyed by my insistence.

"Oh, they had to change it again. It is going to be in two weeks."

I knew I was never going to that barbecue, but I kept asking about it all summer. After two months of asking, the barbecue was cancelled until next summer. The whole incident had been a "no-win" situation for me.
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For those that don't remember, psychologists call no-win situations a psychological double-bind. Psychological double-binds are thought to be a major contributor to schizophrenic behavior. These no-win situations were a key element in the Nazis attempt to drive me permanently insane.

Different Day, SOS

In the sometimes war like situation that was created between Anita and me, we developed our own way of communicating to each other without saying anything. In one instance I was carrying on about being ostracised from society.

"Damn them!" I said. "They have people avoid me and terrorize me and they "they" have the psychiatrist say it's because I'm mentally ill. "They won't let anyone come in my house just like they did at Gamma Supplies. Maybe I should throw a party and invite everyone at work to come to the party. I wonder what "they" would do? How would "they" get out of that one? That's what I'm going to do. Tomorrow I'm going to invite everyone at work to a party here next weekend."

Anita was sitting on the couch and she just looked at me as if to say, "what are you trying to do? Get yourself killed?" She didn't have to say anything because I could see what she was thinking. She was right. No matter what I did, I was going to lose. The Nazi amerikan government/corporate state was going to destroy me or kill me no matter what I did. And without saying a word and with a single look, Anita had stopped my great idea.

At work, the organizational changes and growth in my area continued, and in September 1980 a new second level manager was named to replace John Loser. His new replacement Ed James was a seasoned RAM veteran and had been a manager in my technical area previously. As a result, I did anticipate any dramatic changes in my area.

Ed held the usual area meeting to introduce himself, and then he presented an organizational chart. As part of his new organization, he was creating a new department for which he announced he would be seeking a new manager. When he made the announcement, my heart sank because I knew "they" would try to get me to believe I was being considered for the job just as I was going to be the new "Technical Director" at Gamma Supplies. No matter how rediculous it sounded given my situation, "they" would try to get me to believe I was being considered for the job. As expected, during the next few weeks coworkers would comment that they heard I was being considered for the management job. Just the fact that suggestions(a key element in mental torture) were made caused me to become more depressed. Then in early October, I received a note in my mail that said Ed James wanted to meet with me. When I checked with the secretary she said it was a routine skip-level interview, and that the purpose was to acquaint Ed with his new personnel.

The Nazis always took every advantage to recreate situations that had happened at Gamma Supplies. It was part of the mind control conditioning that they were doing to create "permanent mental illness". Interestingly, last night there was a show on the Nazi government's gestapo agency, the CIA and their experiments in mind control and what they did to their victims in the '60s and '70s. Of course these experiments were illegal and their victims were US citizens living within the US boundaries. The experiments were described as barbaric and inhumane and worse than those carried out by the previous Nazi regime, Hitler's Germany. I was now a victim of those experimental results that were being put to practical real life use to destroy human life.